For you my future Daughter-in-law

One of the things I usually think about is how my kids will measure up as spouses or partners and friends. A big giggle goes up inside me when Reh talks about the kind of Dad or husband he thinks he will be. Right up there with I'll buy my kids ice-cream everyday without them having to ever ask me is being a surfing, hamming, tickling, will let my kids sit on the front seat of the car dad. I thought I'd help the future daughter-in-law along by doing my bit too. Something tells me this is going to be a series of posts :) :0 HAHAHAH!

1) The obvious - Girl Im going to make him LOVE to shop. Errr...if not love then at least tolerate it. Well. All you have to do is promise him food at the end of it all. 

2) I am going to teach him the difference between mauve, lilac, plum, fuschia, cerise, lavender, salmon, magenta, carmine, carnation and cherry blossom pink. Yes I am . So you can have a detailed soul-filling discussion about that dress you saw and whether its day number or a night dress or is it photogenic or does it go with your highlights. All of it without him looking pained or looking at his 'purpleberry' for the umpteenth time.

You might have to learn to juggle between his needs of working at the four jobs he loves though which right now are farmer, rockstar, zoo-keeper and businessman. You'll find a way to make it work I hope. 

Your car might be a limo because he wants 7 kids. Six boys and a girl. He's ready to put his dreams of a Lamborghini on the backburner for now.

3) I'm training him to love leftovers. You just have to learn to disguise them well though. Hopefully 'again??' is not something you'll have to hear at your dining table. Like I said though, the key is masterful disguise. Call it gourmet cooking, frugal living, zen minimalism, scrapbook cooking, cut paste cooking. 

4)I am also teaching him the fine art of answering the question "Do I look fat in this"? or Do I look fat period. Some of the answers he has down pat are 

a) Fat? Where?

b)Absolutely not, no way!

c)You look mummalicious. (Pls note - these answers are age-appropriate for now) and thats also my fav one. Hopefully he'll make the necessary substitutions as he grows - the premise was to get him to understand the idea.)

5)He's slowly but very surely learning to put-up with the cookery and home decor channels. He doesnt tolerate them well now but I'm hoping a little later on when he can really help me in the kitchen and I can down his salads or other creations enthusiastically, he will be more interested. 

6)He's usually spot-on with home decor qs, and I go by his instinct sometimes. Dont know what that sez for my home decor but I like his style so far. He's already into looking through Pottery Barn Teen catalogues while we wait in the car. Yea those are my zen moments.

Right now though, the teenagers who have the coolest rooms and gizmos are his picks but its a start. Something to build on. 

7)This was something he was born with - he always compliments you when you dress well and he really means it. He suggested I buy peep-toe wedges because "they looked good on Lisa". I am usually thrilled with the suggestions but follow it up with excuses.  He still hasnt learnt the difference between saree and dupatta and such. Recently for a party, he complimented his grandmother's saree by saying ''nice dupatta nana''.

His fav compliment is "you look byoodeephool nosh".

So...

Well three weeks into school and its been a sea-change at home. The most obvious change is not having Nosh around. Second is that since Reh goes for half a day, we're able to spend one on one time with each other and that is a huge blessing. I see a huge change in his behaviour when he and I can just spend time together without him competing for it from everyone else. I also see that it's so much more easier since he's older, I know how to handle him, I've been in more demanding situations and him alone is a piece of cake by far. He just enjoys the spotlight on him.

But Nosh, O My God, I miss her so much. Without going into the low-points of it, I think I want to outline what I can do to maximise our time together and make it just as effective and special.

I used to not let her help with household chores, mainly because I felt it would stop the flow of my doing things the way I do them and well - bottom line it was just a distraction. Now though I can see that's the best way for us to spend time together because we'd be in physically close and talking and once Reh's got his fill he's not around clamoring for attention. Washing clothes should be fun, lettings her load the machine and pour soap. Leaving plastic dishes for her to scrub and rinse should be fun, God knows she's been asking me every night for the past coupla years practically. But most excitingly, I think I'm going to let her cook. As in prep food for cooking or even simple things like salads -getting the food, washing, arranging et al. She's a craftsbody so I do have to get her one of those project tables, I'm tired of seeing glue, scraps, fabric, scissors in the most oddest of places. Yesterday I switched on the treadmill and a scissor fell out the top ledge. There was a colouring book and box of crayons by the toilet. Someone was busy by it while on it?!!

We have a major re-arranging of furniture to do. I have to get my own work table move all my stuff out of Noshs room. We bought her a desk and hutch when we moved in here but I was using it. Now she has her own books, homework, folders, projects, things to put away in drawers, I have to give her back her desk! I have to get one for Reh too, he's never had one, the dining table was our be-all, end-all table but I'm tired of carting stuff from one room to another. I'm also tired of having things in different drawers all over the house, I'd rather everyone had their things in their own rooms. So much to do!

Nosh got her own library card yesterday!!!!! And we went at 8 at night because I decided we have to celebrate and she picked out her own books, checked them out with her own card and was hopping and skipping all the way home. I was too. Thank God it was dark in the parking lot. It's another thing that she still cant see the librarian on the other side of the high table though!! I'm not redundant yet!

We had Meet The Teacher night two days ago and her teacher is someone more than I could have asked for. She has 10 children of her own (same marriage, no multiple kids), I know that gets mixed reactions but for me it means she loves children among other things. nine boys and a girl. After her last kid was 2 and ready for school, she was mortified about having no kids around her and then decided to get her Masters in Education from Adelphi and got into one of the best schools in NY (ours ;) but taught 2nd grade for 12 years. The minute she heard last year that they were making KG a full-time program this year and the former teacher was retiring, she hot-footed it to the Principal and begged (in her words) to be allowed to teach KG and she was and this is her dream come true. So its another adavantage in my eyes that she's back to doing what she loves to do for the first time this year.

They had a KG teachers convention this summer vacation. Guess where? Vegas!!! LOL!!!! She went, was delighted to meet more than a 1000 KG teachers from all over the country and came away with some valuable lessons. One of which (I have to tell you guys this- its so brill) There is a Home station in the classroom with pretend kid-sized kitchen, cribs for babies etc etc. You can imagine the amount of things that would be in there. When the kids are done it used to be a pain for the teachers to put everything back (hey! us at home here too!) so one of the things she learnt at the convention was to take pictures of what each cupboard, area looked like clean, what goes where, and the kids have a great time, seriously coming and looking at the pics to see what goes where and diligently reproduce the same neatness! I thought it was a great idea, a game even. I'm going to do the same soon!

She was so excited about the school year and one thing she said made me eyes tear up. She told me that the first day we went too, the day me, nosh and reh got a surprise visit. She said she would do everything possible in her power to make sure my child would feel 'safe'. Which means creating a space where she wouldn't feel ridiculed no matter what, every feeling, every question, every thought would be validated and just the feeling that no matter how or where she was in her life, she was going to be accepted wholeheartedly. Now, I know it's not easy for a teacher looking after 17 kids or so. But for her to know thats exactly what a child needs now and thats her main focus, I think her heart is in the right place. She's firm where she needs to be and her prescence of mind will be the right thing for the kids.

I think so.

She was nervous about talking to adults and I so understood that!!

No wonder Nosh has a woebegone look when its time to come home. She looks around prolonging the leaving, searching out every friend she can to wave bye to and dragging her feet.

Guess what - since we live close by, I dont drive to school, me and Reh walk it up and the three of us walk back together, talking about whatever happened in school. Of course winter wont allow us that lovely time soon.

One thing I came away with was that I think the most successful people are those whose parents let them be. I mean it's one thing to push them, help them out of their comfort zones and all that but its another thing to just let them grow at their own pace too. You can never be a child again and I know for sure if we as parents wanted, it Could be a wonderful place to be in. With all its insecurities and fear and wonder. I just hope I can be that mom. Before anyone writes in saying they're sure I am and all that, trust me, I know I could have done a million times better. So its not looking for validation. I have let my sensitive kid be toughened and broken promises many a time to let myself think I have been a sensitive, have my finger on your pulse mom. I have'nt. I wish I could have retained Noshi's sweetness the way it was coupla years ago. I'm certain its in there in her somewhere still but I see a layer of pretended and sometimes real nonchalance when I should be seeing the oppositte there. And I begin to berate myself for having ignored or toughened up on her. I think it was a result of having been mired in my own issues and also an irritation of wanting her to get independent sooner. I must have my heart in the right place though because I miss her even when she's asleep or downstairs and there are nights I've woken her up to apologise or make-up. Its another grace of God's though that he made little kids so ready to forgive and open to love. I think maybe when you're a kid, you only know how to love a parent. Center of universe and all that. I'm being blase' bcos it's so precious a feeling and I know I cant do justice to it.

I think these are the best years of my life. Woohoo!!!!

Take a look

This is what I was upto when the kids were away at school. Been wanting to do it for a while. Stickers and decals can make an interior decorator out of anyone!!!

BEFORE




This was taken months ago. Yea thats Reh who cant get enough of I cant remember what-it-was.

AFTER





TA-DAAAA!
I put up number plates of all the 51 states on one side of Reh's bed. Car crazy that he is, I thought it would be a fun way for both Nosh and him to learn about the names of the States and have some fun while we drive around, playing the identify the number plate game later on!


Did I tell you about Reh's obsession with music? I'm quite impressed and touched at the way he keeps his CD's in the case that R gave him and pretty neatly in his room. Right from day 1, he's loved to listen to music and his first singalong he attempted in full gusto was the 'ziddeeeeee' bit from Rang De Basanti. He'd practically ziddee himself out of the carseat with the zeal with which he sang along. He has a regular good time listening to his favourites and nowadays it's Rock On which I never thought a 3.10 year old would like. But like it he does and how. One of these days I'll put up a video of him jamming on his tennis raquet.
So when I went shopping for wooden spoons yesterday, I saw these musical notes and instruments decals on sale and I figured they were perfect for where Reh is right now. Luckily the colours matched the room too.


I absolutely loved the drums.


We've got Hawaii, Oregon and Alaska down pat in one night....lol!



Dun miss New York right on top!


He loves his room.

This is how we do it

If I'd only figured it out earlier....it would have saved me a lot of confusion and grief. I just realised that boys and girls have different ways to deal with their frustrations or just think things through too. At least my boy and girl anyway. And I'm sure it's the same for many more.
I see that Reh comes around more easily if there's a physical activity involved in letting him find his way around in his thinking or understanding something. If I'd had him before Nosh, maybe I would have figured it out earlier too. As it stands now, I used to try to make him understand things the way I used to with Nosh. Which is talk or read a similiar - situation'ed' story or just cuddle. With Reh I see it has to be that he has to be on his feet, doing something or just being physical to avoid meltdowns or just frustration. If I find something for us to do, or take his cue and follow him it's seconds before he falls back on track again and feels better about whatever it was that was bothering him. The simplest is to let him run free. Ride his scooter or jeep and he's a much more pleasant and agreeable person.
At the same time, if I do what I do with Nosh which is quiet time - even as far as physical activity is concerned she loves to be pushed on a swing or play games that dont require so much exertion that you end up hurting yourself, he's still a bundle of energy waiting to let it rip.
The understanding of that has let me get my sleep back. I hate having irritated, frustrated kids on my hands and the moment I understood what he needs and this oh so simple way of handling him, it's been peaceful. That's not to say that he doesn't like to be cuddled or doesn't love his share of reading and quiet time talking over pushing his cars and back forth. He loves it, I love the way his little legs run to get books when it's time to read. I love the way he smiles shyly when I join him in his games. But for him to retain his sanity, he needs to let it drain from his body -whatever's frustrating him.
Even though he's not shy, for a few months now, he feels a little wary about entering his grandma's house where everyone greets him with smiley loud "heys!" or "Reh!" Immediately his index finger goes in his mouth and he dashes to the kid's room for cover. Lately though he needs to play outside a bit before he makes his way in. Such a bundle of contradictions.

Nosh on the other hand though - I've started letting her watch those Disney shows like Hannah Montana (I know I know!!) and Wizards...Place etc. The kid's theatrical talents have been awakened. She dances more confidently, she can imitate accents and generally I guess a part of her has come alive. Just lost her for a bit though when she went around talking like the said Hannah. **shudder** That was painful to watch. Again - I guess everything has its phase and she's back.
Add to that the camp she's in this time has all her favourite activities -theatre, arts n crafts and Gymnastics. The kid loves to use her body in a graceful manner (you wont get her to huddle or scrape knees on a regular basis) and so this particular camp has her excited and raring to go. There's a recital at the end of the camp and I'm thrilled to be going to see it! They make the props, costumes and everything related to the show as part of their arts and crafts, they practice for the show and the gym where they cartwheel and somersault and let loose on the trampoline is her dream come true. No roasting in the sun throwing balls and swinging bats for her. Although I hope she changes her mind about that - I'd love for her to be on a sports team. Other than gymnastics too!

Spring Break - Part 2

Of bicycling and watermelons and swinging and babies in strollers...


pic courtesy - nosh (lol - no really!)


yaay!

swing swinga swing a-long and u gotta swing along, it's spring!

i'm so happy, i could cry - pic courtesy - nosh

enuf of watermelon, gotta get back on my trusty steed

was that a bird? or a plane? no, its...mumma's laundry!

mm mm mmmm

he didnt have his watermelon ma! can i go too?

joosy joosy oh so yummy.

Spring break - part 1

Cool, green, burst of colours and waking up from hibernation. Thats what the past few weeks have been about. Nosh n Reh were home and I just love that. No rushed mornings - except where I had to rush them to the gym - my god that was excruciating) and just enjoying the weather.

The pink cherry blossom tree outside our home...it actually threw pink light on the walls.


brother and sister talk, laugh, argue and complain

daydream, play, imagine and be

freeze framed my hunny

i love the afternoon/asr time light in our home

pink bounty

squirrel pranayamas early morning with this lovely tiny white flowering tree outside which is one of the first ones to bloom every spring.

dis n dat

Blogger swallowed up a whole post - has that happened to anyone? You post the post, view it and then go back to correct a spelling mistake and then it just disappears. A post which actually made sense to you. Bah.

Rehliner - R regularly tips Reh on what he's doing is big boy stuff or big boy behaviour or not. Incentive to behave and all dat. Last week something happened and R said - thats not what big boys do Reh, you're not behaving like a big boy! Reh goes - but I AM a big boy - I wear underwear!!

Ladies and ladies we are now a houseful of potty trained people. No more trips to the diaper aisle. No more being on tenterhooks in car and other houses upon forgetting spare diapers. Lighter bags. No more treats and desperate promises and deals made in the vicinity of the pot/john/comfort station to get one's kid to use it. No more. It is a brand new day and we are now actively researching and trying out loos at various stores and houses whether I like to or not, the only advantage being boys dont need to sit while handling their business. Thank God. I suspend him from up there, ask him to aim right and get the hell out the store bathroom. Yes, I miss diapers at such moments but on the whole, we are a pound(s) lighter. Yaayyhhoohaay!

Summer vacation plan - try out every icecream/flavour pictured on the icecream truck that does the rounds by our house. And there's many. Google eyed Nosh couldnt believe I actually agreed to her plan. Told her there's an orange flavoured ice with vanilla inside that we should get next since those are her fav flavours and her jaw dropped. "Really? There's an ice cream like that?!!" sliding out of her chair in amazing delighted earnestness. You'd think she was talking about an island getaway. Oh yeah Nosh - you wait. Just you wait. You and me and Reh can lie next to each other getting our tonsils out and reminiscing about the good times we had slurping on cherry flavoured ice bars. Oh yeah. All we need are the rockers on the front porch.

sigh

Can you believe this kid was bawling, snotty and hysterical 2 mins before he conked out? He got off the bus very happy and upbeat. Then his sister spoilt his surprise of what he'd made for me in school by telling me. Then she discovered the chocolate bar I'd bought as a surprise for them and he insisted on getting the whole bar. Of course thats a no can do. From then it was downhill. So I let out a war cry myself and cornered him into his room, tucked him into bed still with the sirens of his wailing in full steam and by the time I threatened to get a lakdi and be right back, he was just short of snoring.
Letter to Reh -
I totally understand my sweet son. Sometimes going out into the world and facing it in it's confusion can be frustrating for all of us adults too. So for a little soul like you I can't imagine everything you go through and struggle to make sense of. I so get that losing control over even the littlest things you cant control and almost everything being beyond your control can be maddening and really enough to make you sad. Thats why I never want to go back to being a child or teenager for that matter. All I can say is that I think you're a brave chap and I pray nothing breaks your spirit ever. EVER.
Lots of woodpeckery kisses,
Mom.

Nosh wanted to show you what she got at the show yesterday. Diego spinning inside that whirligig thing. It's cute Noshi-ma. I'm so glad we spent that time in the city yesterday. The high of it kept you awake long after I'd slept. For once it didnt bug me. Just made me smile. I love you.

Trip to the City to see Diego....!

Guess what we did today. Even though I'd been to the city (Manhattan, New York City) with Nosh many times by the time she was two, I'd never actually walked the streets after Reh was born bcos I knew for sure I'd never have managed both between people, cars, buses and more people. And with Reh - My God - darty, fidgety, loud Reh. The perfect opportunity came up though after my friend asked if we wanted to go see the Go Diego Go show Live at Radio City Music Hall. She's been to an Elmo show before and said it was worth it. For us Long Islanders, taking the bus to the train station and then the F train to the city and then walking up the blocks to wherever, with 4 kids better be worth all that trouble! Taking the LIRR didnt make sense bcos since there were six of us, two adults and four kids meant taking both cars and parking them at the station. Driving there and parking there would drain us of our college funds. No point. So anyway, we went today and the kids loved it!

Nosh was like "wow mom - we're actually walking here!" (as opposed to zipping to the other side (New Jersey for a family get together) in a vehicle of some sort) and "have I been here before?" and I said, "yes, I have photos to prove it!". Reh was amazed at the close proximity to cars and doubledecker buses and just loving the noise and hoop-la. Felt bad then that these kids live in NY and I dont do anything to milk the opportunity. Well no more - good times are here again with Reh being more travel-friendly. Am gonna get up and movin again. So anyway - here's our coupla hours in the city in snap-prose.



mom - are we there yet? say that in a weak-battery dragged out tune.


ah - a full seat to myself - wake me up when we get there....

lunch was at TGIF's - can't u just imagine these two 20 years from now - nosh yakkety yakking about her latest indignant encounter and reh going - yea...right..wahtever.

P.S. - the food was SO bad. I know for sure now - all they do is defrost and microwave a ready to eat meal on the menu. ugh. Between TGIF and Applebees, I'm ready to gag at the mention of them.

oh and in between Rockerfeller Center and the NBC studios at the atrium was this glorious display of easter lilies and those wonderfully bright, pretty bouffanty, pink flowers. nosh felt like she was in some wonderful moment.

dats our other half - my friend her son and nephew.

i so badly wanted to get into that crabtree and evelyn store. and the chocolate store. just to check out the city versions.

our stop - Radio City Music Hall.

the stage and the whole show was grrreat. cant put all the snaps up here but gotta reiterate it - it was a great presentation.

after the show. nosh is like - awww - cant believe its over!

reh - I'm gonna find a way to snuck into the innards of this place and stay put. if only I could!

lisa very successfully kept a sleepy reh awake. almost had to lug him up the subway onto the bus and home!

Dora makes a surprise entry

and the boy of the hour...DIEGO!!

Raindrops fallin on our heads...

It's a gorgeous night here in NY. Hint of spring with all the beautiful, melting, rejuvenating rain. One where you can be thrilled to bits sharing your umbrella with the love of your life, skipping thru puddles. Since the love of my life is filling tax forms, the other two loves of my life and I opened the windows and smelled, felt, heard and saw the rain. If there was no roof, we could have tasted it too but another time. Nosh and Reh got all excited at hearing their voices echo and mumma hushing them up while they marvelled loudly at the beautiful lights and the rain drops outlined in the street light. Anyone passing by (actually there were a smattering of cars whooshing by) would have heard cold-gusts-of-air-induced giggly belly laughs. (Wish I could bottle up those laughs forever.) They were even more excited that I opened the windows AND let them poke their heads out.

Soon those trees are gonna be lush and we wont be able to see the windows on the other side.

Look Fiona!

This was our first cake making attempt together and my graphic designer sister's attempt last summer, at making Nosh and Reh go wide-eyed at HOW Shrek got their pics!
Inspired by Orchid's post http://d-orchid.blogspot.com/2007/11/why-not.html I thought I'd share it with you!