So...

Well three weeks into school and its been a sea-change at home. The most obvious change is not having Nosh around. Second is that since Reh goes for half a day, we're able to spend one on one time with each other and that is a huge blessing. I see a huge change in his behaviour when he and I can just spend time together without him competing for it from everyone else. I also see that it's so much more easier since he's older, I know how to handle him, I've been in more demanding situations and him alone is a piece of cake by far. He just enjoys the spotlight on him.

But Nosh, O My God, I miss her so much. Without going into the low-points of it, I think I want to outline what I can do to maximise our time together and make it just as effective and special.

I used to not let her help with household chores, mainly because I felt it would stop the flow of my doing things the way I do them and well - bottom line it was just a distraction. Now though I can see that's the best way for us to spend time together because we'd be in physically close and talking and once Reh's got his fill he's not around clamoring for attention. Washing clothes should be fun, lettings her load the machine and pour soap. Leaving plastic dishes for her to scrub and rinse should be fun, God knows she's been asking me every night for the past coupla years practically. But most excitingly, I think I'm going to let her cook. As in prep food for cooking or even simple things like salads -getting the food, washing, arranging et al. She's a craftsbody so I do have to get her one of those project tables, I'm tired of seeing glue, scraps, fabric, scissors in the most oddest of places. Yesterday I switched on the treadmill and a scissor fell out the top ledge. There was a colouring book and box of crayons by the toilet. Someone was busy by it while on it?!!

We have a major re-arranging of furniture to do. I have to get my own work table move all my stuff out of Noshs room. We bought her a desk and hutch when we moved in here but I was using it. Now she has her own books, homework, folders, projects, things to put away in drawers, I have to give her back her desk! I have to get one for Reh too, he's never had one, the dining table was our be-all, end-all table but I'm tired of carting stuff from one room to another. I'm also tired of having things in different drawers all over the house, I'd rather everyone had their things in their own rooms. So much to do!

Nosh got her own library card yesterday!!!!! And we went at 8 at night because I decided we have to celebrate and she picked out her own books, checked them out with her own card and was hopping and skipping all the way home. I was too. Thank God it was dark in the parking lot. It's another thing that she still cant see the librarian on the other side of the high table though!! I'm not redundant yet!

We had Meet The Teacher night two days ago and her teacher is someone more than I could have asked for. She has 10 children of her own (same marriage, no multiple kids), I know that gets mixed reactions but for me it means she loves children among other things. nine boys and a girl. After her last kid was 2 and ready for school, she was mortified about having no kids around her and then decided to get her Masters in Education from Adelphi and got into one of the best schools in NY (ours ;) but taught 2nd grade for 12 years. The minute she heard last year that they were making KG a full-time program this year and the former teacher was retiring, she hot-footed it to the Principal and begged (in her words) to be allowed to teach KG and she was and this is her dream come true. So its another adavantage in my eyes that she's back to doing what she loves to do for the first time this year.

They had a KG teachers convention this summer vacation. Guess where? Vegas!!! LOL!!!! She went, was delighted to meet more than a 1000 KG teachers from all over the country and came away with some valuable lessons. One of which (I have to tell you guys this- its so brill) There is a Home station in the classroom with pretend kid-sized kitchen, cribs for babies etc etc. You can imagine the amount of things that would be in there. When the kids are done it used to be a pain for the teachers to put everything back (hey! us at home here too!) so one of the things she learnt at the convention was to take pictures of what each cupboard, area looked like clean, what goes where, and the kids have a great time, seriously coming and looking at the pics to see what goes where and diligently reproduce the same neatness! I thought it was a great idea, a game even. I'm going to do the same soon!

She was so excited about the school year and one thing she said made me eyes tear up. She told me that the first day we went too, the day me, nosh and reh got a surprise visit. She said she would do everything possible in her power to make sure my child would feel 'safe'. Which means creating a space where she wouldn't feel ridiculed no matter what, every feeling, every question, every thought would be validated and just the feeling that no matter how or where she was in her life, she was going to be accepted wholeheartedly. Now, I know it's not easy for a teacher looking after 17 kids or so. But for her to know thats exactly what a child needs now and thats her main focus, I think her heart is in the right place. She's firm where she needs to be and her prescence of mind will be the right thing for the kids.

I think so.

She was nervous about talking to adults and I so understood that!!

No wonder Nosh has a woebegone look when its time to come home. She looks around prolonging the leaving, searching out every friend she can to wave bye to and dragging her feet.

Guess what - since we live close by, I dont drive to school, me and Reh walk it up and the three of us walk back together, talking about whatever happened in school. Of course winter wont allow us that lovely time soon.

One thing I came away with was that I think the most successful people are those whose parents let them be. I mean it's one thing to push them, help them out of their comfort zones and all that but its another thing to just let them grow at their own pace too. You can never be a child again and I know for sure if we as parents wanted, it Could be a wonderful place to be in. With all its insecurities and fear and wonder. I just hope I can be that mom. Before anyone writes in saying they're sure I am and all that, trust me, I know I could have done a million times better. So its not looking for validation. I have let my sensitive kid be toughened and broken promises many a time to let myself think I have been a sensitive, have my finger on your pulse mom. I have'nt. I wish I could have retained Noshi's sweetness the way it was coupla years ago. I'm certain its in there in her somewhere still but I see a layer of pretended and sometimes real nonchalance when I should be seeing the oppositte there. And I begin to berate myself for having ignored or toughened up on her. I think it was a result of having been mired in my own issues and also an irritation of wanting her to get independent sooner. I must have my heart in the right place though because I miss her even when she's asleep or downstairs and there are nights I've woken her up to apologise or make-up. Its another grace of God's though that he made little kids so ready to forgive and open to love. I think maybe when you're a kid, you only know how to love a parent. Center of universe and all that. I'm being blase' bcos it's so precious a feeling and I know I cant do justice to it.

I think these are the best years of my life. Woohoo!!!!