I have the keys

...to my house. Now before anyone congratulates me or anything, I've always had it ever since I've lived in my own house but the feeling that I own the keys to my house, its MY house and its my HOUSE just never loses its feel of gratitude or Relief for me. Its like holding the world in my hands when I hold the keys. Strange or ridiculous I dont know, but for me its everything. 

I've lived in hostels, dormitories, with parents (!!), in-laws (!!!!) and nothing comes close the feeling of relief I get when I turn the keys to lock in the front door of the house and come in. No raised eyebrows asking subtly or curiously or accusingly whichever about my whereabouts or the time or what I was upto. No self-suffering, martyred looks from mom, no questioning looks about the contents of my  shopping bags from mom-in-law, no nothing, just the welcoming sounds like the fridge's hum or buzzing radiators, that mornings breakfast aroma, the radio I always leave on and the squeak of the door as it swings open.

The older I get, the more I love my solitude, my answerable to myself'ness'. I have a husband who lets me have my way with what I do with the house, whether its decorating or cleaning. Its this thing I love and I dont want it to become a chore or a burden, I love being in it. I must have been a turtle in my last life. Maybe those big sea turtles.

I have been known to hug the walls of my house. Run my hands over them and cried over buying them. I've walked around and still walking around marvelling at the blessing it is to have a place to call your own. Do it up the way you want. Have every room exactly where you want. Taking care of me much the way I take care of it. I love the fact that the kids bedrooms are next to mine. Im not sure they'll be saying the same a few years from now. 

I love that we're surrounded by trees. Hemlocks, Maples, Firs, Magnolias, Cherry blossoms, Walnuts, big Chinar like trees that I dont know the English names to. Towering Christmas trees like. Roses in the summer peeking out from your neighbours yards. Flirting with me. Not to mention a 90 year old neighbour whose as sprightly as Iam now with every imaginable shrub, bush and flower to make me a vicarious lover of her yard as well. She has three varieties of mint itself that would help you make your mind or change it! Growing wild not in itty bitty pots!

I'd let the landscaping of our yard be much the same it was when I bought the house which was mainly azaleas and the cherry blossom out in front and the hemlocks in the back. Now I'm beginning to form a blueprint of the front yard I want and my days are spent cutting pics out of magazines and staring at people's yards as I drive by. (I should stop I know). So thats my current project and am so excited. Who am I kidding? I know its the work of a lifetime.

Add some swings. What is it about swings that makes you immediately forget your troubles and just be? I need a couple inside the house too. Im sure the kids would love to rock themselves. Who ever gets over that?

Colour. All year round. 

Spend practically all of summer outside. In the yard. 

Meanwhile I love the brick walls and the steps leading up to the front door. I love my house can you tell? Its a regular old house, nothing great but its mine and the sun that shines on it is mine and the rain it gets washed with is mine. There's no feeling like it. To spin like a kid on its floors and no one will tell ask you if you dont have anything more constructive to do with your time. To shut the doors at night and yourself and family in it, turn out the lights and feel the gratitude one does at having been kept safe from the elements, human or climatical.  

Vacations in the best hotels have a very short-lived appeal for me. I mean seriously I'm there for the decor and room service only! I'd rather be back home. My mother took it to be a milestone when after a few years of marriage when she asked me where I'd rather be and I said my home, she nodded with the bittersweet knowledge that I'd well and truly made my home. Dug my roots and was blessed with loving it.

I know what it's like to be a long long way from home. I know what its like to stare out of train windows and bus windows on journeys that take you only farther away from home. I know what its like to relish going to a friends house because your own was too far away. So one of the best moments for me is the delight of coming home. 

The feeling of being home and staying there.