oh forget it. the making of a mum my foot. either the ingredients are just not right or the measurements are all wrong. whats going on you ask me. oh nothing much i'll say. i feel like am vegetating, like moss over a pond. just floating, thas it.
it's getting to me. gets me almost always but it's getting to me for the past coupla days and im not sure my whining is going to help. i need to get out there and sweat some, i realise i am a physical person and i miss gymming. am antsy and inert if you can make sense of that.
cleaning helps - i have never been so in love with dishwashing liquid or windex before. what is it? instant gratification? see a mess, spray, wipe, clean?
my sis recently told me not diluting dishwashing liquid is the way to go. it made dishwashing fun. i love the intensity of the fragrance, the way a whole sinkful can be washed with just enough dips into the liquid that you can count on one hand, the foam that cant get enough of itself.
yea, im losing it.
or maybe i'm finally getting the hang of this housewifely thing. its a nice feeling to be happy in your spot. not wondering whether you should be doing something else. who am i kidding....those feelings are always around. waiting to get me the minute i feel ive screwed up with the kids or whatever.
i dont like feeling like ive let them down and still my naturally brooding, 'thinking too much' state doesnt leave much room for lets roll in the grass moments. i think im not taking enough. i'd do it if i knew what to take. is that possible? you dont know what to take but you're very good at knowing what to give? sounds so stupidly soppy, i feel nauseous. but i know its not working for me. i feel i must be doing something on my own, only that doesnt feel right either. its not like i can drop the kids somewhere and go gallivanting. i dont want to either. im not looking to get away from them. i just want to do something - something that doesnt mean being a wife or mom. or did i just veto that the second i got married and had kids? or maybe i'm not thinking? which is probably right. I almost felt a bulb go on.
on a completely different note - i'd love to walk in for once and be the one asking "Whats for dinner?"
i dont want to lose myself, i dont i dont i dont.....
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{{on a completely different note - i'd love to walk in for once and be the one asking "Whats for dinner?" }}
You can say that again! I'd love to do that too......sigh - it'll only happen when I go back to work.
Bad day, Nat? Hang in there. You're full of good sense and you have such amazing, lovely children.
Can totally identify with what you are feeling...was going through exactly the same thing a few months back and for sometime 'on and off' before that. I couldn't have put it better, the dilemma, and also of being 'self' something other than a mom and a wife. hang in there...hugs.
whats up, babe? you sound like you've had a crazy day, maybe bad week? hang in there - you've gotta know you're doing a great job.
why aren't you at the gym anymore?
mummyjaan - hey thanks! didnt think u still read this blog lol! At least you can look fwd to asking whats for sinner once you're back to work. I dont think R knows how to boil water.
thanks for the vote of confidence :)
2B's mommy - really? nice to know I'm not the only one with such crazed extreme feelings. So did it get better once you started working bcos I see that as the only solution for me now.
Mona - thanks girlfriend. Bad day, bad week, yup. Old things come up kind of week. Grrrr. Am not at the gym since kids have summer hols and erratic timings but two more weeks and am going to be slugging away again. sigh - so not loving it but i know its good for me....
you wont you wont you wont. we'll hold hands and keep our heads above the water. someday it will pay off. trust me. it already pays us back in small ways... and i know you know what i mean.
and boy yes - i want to walk in and ask whats for dinner :D
I guess you need to find pockets of time in which you are just Nat, not mom or wife. And little pockets do add up. Chin up, babe- a lot of us are or have been in this boat:)
God babe! TOTALLY get what you're on about!I'm off to Antwerp on a work related conference for 5 lousy days in September and I'm getting read the Guilt Act.. y'know like I'm ABANDONING my breastfeeding child an' all! He's 11 months old, PEOPLE, I wanna scream! And I wanna be JUST ME, in a strange city, with colleagues I love, eating good food, being inspired and stimulated and NOT thinking about my family all the time. Quite simply, I need to get away so I can look forward, breathlessly to seeing them again. (sigh)Sorry to hog space, but hope you work out the frump soon, love. Rooting for you as always!
How about the question at a restaurant ?:) (ducking now.. just kidding !!:)
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